What does it mean to be a woman? It means existing in a certain way that is pre-fixed and approved. What does it mean to be a man? It means to not be a wo-man!
The world has been undergoing a phase of social transformation for the past 10-15 years. The status of woman has been redefined to give her a near equal footing to man but we are far from practicing equality in its true form. We are consciously telling ourselves that we are propagators of equality, we never discriminate between genders, yet our language gives us away. Yes, the dark corners of our mind hide the secret truth of how we perceive the world- man the protector and woman the needy. And when the needy dares to venture into realm of the protector, violence is the only way to make her cower back- not in the fear of losing one’s power rather the fear of becoming the lesser important, the needy woman. In other words, being a man or being masculine is simply a fear of not becoming a woman or feminine.
As infants our mind is a blank state, we are born free of prejudices and gender stereotypes. How to be a boy or a girl are social concepts that are taught to us by our family. In other words, upbringing plays a major role in defining our gender for us. And despite the claims of equality that echoes from every corner of our country, the expectations attached to each gender is yet to reflect this equality. If you are a boy, you must be familiar with the following phrases: ‘boys don’t cry’; ‘stop playing with dolls like girls’; ‘don’t be shy like a girl’; ‘fight like a boy’; ‘don’t walk like a girl’ and so on! Each phrase instils a fear of being lesser of a boy if one does anything that is associated with the opposite gender. Young children upto the age of 5-6 years lack the concept of gender consistency, i.e. they know they belong to a particular gender but they lack the awareness that they will retain their gender even if they engage in an activity associated with the opposite gender. Coupled with this is a fear of being degraded to a ‘lesser status’ of being a girl. So, later even when boys gain an understanding of gender consistency, the fear of being degraded a lesser status, nags grown men all their lives.
Another aspect of how gender roles are described to us is by defining a personality to each gender. To be a girl means to be gentle, delicate, soft, and powerless whereas to be a boy implies to be aggressive, strong, emotionless, and powerful. Phrase like ‘boys don’t cry’ is extremely problematic as it is denying an individual a basic right of expression. Crying is a means of venting anguish and despair which when denied is bottled up and expressed in socially approved form of masculine aggression. Now there are two things that will happen here, one, historically anger and aggression is always directed towards a safer and a weaker target which in this case is the tragically positioned woman and secondly, whenever a woman tries to challenge that anger by proving to be equal or by venturing into spheres that men were taught they owned, violence (verbal, physical and emotional) is the only means of proving a man’s might. So today, every woman who dares to break the ‘curfew’ to stay out late is immoral, or enjoys a drink is characterless or rises up the corporate ladder is certainly sleeping with the top management or has the courage to speak her mind is too bold for her own good.
It is high time for us to revise, review and reconstruct gender roles. The need of the hour is to break through wall restricting us from being us. Don’t teach a child to be a particular way, let her/him carve their way as they grow. Teach humanity, preach respect for one another, the world will soon be a better place to live in!
