Before India celebrated it’s 71st independence day what shook the whole nation was suicide of a 29 year old IAS officer Mukesh Pandey . Mukesh pandey was DM of Buxar , a place in Bihar . Mukesh was a bright student he secured 12th position in UPSC exams , which is considered toughest competitive exam in India . A man who passed the toughest exam lost the life battle , why ? Why a man who is considered rough , tough , macho chooses suicide as his end ? This is not story of one Mukesh Pandey this is happening to one married man every 8 minutes in India . This is clearly visible on national crime record bureau website that married men suicide is much more than married women . Why and what is troubling our married men so much ?
Mukesh wrote a suicide note and recorded a video too where he said he cannot take tussle anymore between his mother and wife . He was fed up with domestic problems . Now this is surprising for people who think that a man is stronger than a woman . Long back there was a similar suicide of Syed Makhdoom , he too recorded video before committing suicide . He was fed up by his wife filing 498a case on him . He was not allowed to meet even his son . So what , he was a man or he was not man enough ?
Coward , Yes that is what people called Mukesh when he chose suicide . Not only coward his father in law called him mental as a video of him came into light where he is dancing for his daughter . That way all men are mental who act like jokers to give a smile to their children and wives . Now reverse the gender , the girl would have got so much sympathy if she committed suicide . Not only this , girl’s husband and in laws would have been behind bars under 304 B ( the dowry death law ). So if man commits suicide due to pressure he is coward as he left wife , baby girl behind and if a woman does same she is victim again a man will be blamed .In both the situations a man is blamed ,why ? I have raised so many questions so far but what is the answer for all these questions .
Well, here is the answer there is too much pressure on men . Pressure of proving his manhood is the most important one and how man proves manhood ? He becomes tough since childhood – “Don’t cry like a girl “ he is told when he is a child and he learns to suppress his feelings . Then comes teenage , he is supposed be a macho with a certain height , build up and of course girls roaming around him . Secure good marks to remain in rat race , go for higher studies , get a job , a house ,get his sister or brother married , a good salary , a car etc . Now get a girl and make her happy by buying her stuff , love her , live as per her expectations . As I said in my previous article proving manhood is a slippery road , one step gone wrong and you are finished . Now , imagine in this journey of proving manhood one has a big responsibility on his head like being an IAS officer or an Army officer . The man is not an ordinary man he is in public eye and he has a lot of stake . He handles the big problems of district , city , nation and it needs a lot of time , energy , mental and physical fitness to do that . And in such a situation there is a war at home too how will the man manage that ? For example DM is responsible to see the health situation in a district and Dengue is spread in that district . Now pressure is on DM to take safety measures , ensure that hospitals are well equipped still reports of death are coming and when he goes home his wife cribs about some petty domestic issue with mother in law . Now he is supposed to listen to both mother and wife . Can you now imagine the pressure ? Mother , wife and dying people in district . Again , he is supposed to take all the pressure because he is a man .
The ASSUMPTION – Men are stronger than woman is the assumption . They fight wars , they do all the hazardous work so they are strong . Every woman craves for a strong man who can save her from any difficult situation . We grow up with this fairytale of damsel in distress and white knight on horse . In real world there is nothing like that every person has his her own weaknesses and strengths . A man can be a brave warrior on war ground but he can be weakest in handling small household situation . How world assumes him to be a coward if he is not able to take the domestic pressure ? And why women are not assumed same ? Because in our deep hearts we still live in those fairytales .
Different people have different ways of handling pressure , men have their own ways . The more macho the man is , the more complex is his way of handling such pressure . Men and women both indulge in addictions but you will find more men in addictions . This is one way of handling pressure , addiction here does not mean liquor or drugs only it can be anything . It can be sex addiction too , you can see around you . You will find men who are too much into sex , they watch porn like maniacs or they treat every woman as sex object . This is another way of handling some deep issue inside as society never allowed him to cry or speak out . Same is the men committing sexual crime . They are all frustrated men who never got listening and understanding . Society treated them as macho slaves and they treat society same way to beat the frustration . There is a solution of escape too , me run away from home become Sadhu . Some go into deep depression and choose suicide . It happened with Robin Williams and Chester Bennington too .
When a man is alpha or powerful his stakes increase , he cannot cry in public . An ordinary man can crib about his wife or mother but an alpha man cannot . An ordinary man can have liquor and fall into gutter whole night but an alpha man cannot . Remember , there are exceptions too in every situation . Then there are powerful men who are too much into values , discipline and Indian culture . They were always into studies , earn and take responsibility . So , they can neither shout on their wife nor go out and have a drink to beat the pressure . Also , there is sword of different matrimonial cases on their head . They know their wife can anytime file cases on them and then their job , reputation , family’s reputation will be at stake .They are a public figure so their case would be in public eye too , there is no forum where they can go and ask for help . Now what is the solution for such men , go and die isn’t it ? This is what Mukesh Pandey did , he planned his suicide , wrote whatsapp messages , recorded a video where he apologized with everyone and died .
Now it is up to the society to either judge them , understand them or blame them . If society keeps blaming and judging then the situation will worsen and then society can keep cribbing about increasing crime rate . Remember if society does not provide its men a place or forum where they can pour their heart out then these suicides are murders by society . It is collective responsibility of all of us to save our brave , talented men from ending their precious lives like this .
