It isn’t easy; having your faith shattered by someone you held so close to your heart. Getting to know that you have been cheated on, whether physically or emotionally, is a nightmare. Agreed that no break up is a trip to Disneyland, but knowing that someone deliberately betrayed you is probably a much more devastating blow to your heart. If you are reading this article, it means that you probably have been or are being cheated on. So you do understand that a person who has been cheated on, goes through a myriad of emotions-grief, trauma, helplessness, depression, and pessimism amongst others. Apart from this, lies the dilemma of whether he/she should let go of the relationship altogether or not.
While the crushing incident is bound to leave its mark, there are ways to redeem your old self and move on in life. Do understand that the relationship was a only a part of your life, not life itself; And no matter how important the person was to you, there are so many other people in your life who care for your happiness and well- being.
ABSORB THE SHOCK
First things first. No hasty decisions. Absorb the new information. Calmly, check the validity of the incident and talk to your partner. Are you sure he/she cheated? Ask. If yes, take time off. Think clearly, but don’t be gullible. Ask what is needed; because once you decide to move on, there is no point in going back to ask unanswered questions or keep brooding over the same things for years. Once you have done that, give yourself time to accept the ugly truth and choose if you still want to continue the relationship. More often than not, it is a better option to walk out of the relationship with dignity and grace, than choose to stay with someone who might/might not hurt you again in the future.
WHAT NEXT
Do not feel belittled or humiliated. Also, don’t lose faith in love. Cheating is not altogether an uncommon prospect, and you are not alone. There are so many others who went through the same phase, moved on, and found the right person eventually. So will you. So right now, the aim should only be to focus on healing yourself, and finding happiness in this new phase of life where you don’t need to be dependent on a partner for anything.
In case you decide to forgive your partner, it is not necessary that you will be able to pick up right from where you left off. There will be dark times, trust issues and insecurity. You must gather all your courage and all your strength in order to get over these tough times. Blaming, criticising and other such negative behaviour is bound to ruin the relationship. You have forgiven someone; you are the bigger person here. So it is you who needs to take the lead now, towards the right direction.
In order to mitigate the damage, you have to stop languishing in your bad place. Keep busy, keep distracted. Take out time to do what you love to do, and find peace in. Meditate, read, work out, bake, listen to music, or watch movies. If single, you may like to take a trip with your friends or family. If committed, you may want to holiday with your partner and rekindle the mutual understanding. Aim is to push out the bad memories, and make happy ones.
Speaking to someone who will empathise with you or understand you, is crucial. Vent it out to your best friend, your parents, your sibling, or even a professional counsellor, if needed. You deserve to embrace anything and everything which will heal your heart and your soul. This does not include going on a rebound or taking revenge. You are self- sufficient, and you don’t need to reach low for attaining closure.
Some significant Dos and Don’ts:
DON’T:
- give the cheater the benefit of the doubt. He/she should not be misleading you or deceiving you.
- change yourself for the worse. Take a U- turn from the road that leads to bitterness, low self- confidence and trust issues.
- hurt anyone else if you are hurting. Misery likes company, but company doesn’t like misery.
- harm yourself- physically or mentally.
- believe you deserved this. You did not.
DO:
- forgive yourself for being fooled by someone. Love is not always enough and people can do terrible things. You are a gem amongst the rotten stones, so don’t blame yourself for trusting people.
- believe it will make you wise and mature. You are no longer naïve. Above all, you now know how strong you are. You survived!
- take this as a blessing. If single, you were rid of bad blood. If still committed, you both survived the worst, together.
- make sure your errant partner knows he/she can’t ever cheat on you again.
- help others who are in a similar situation. You will heal through this empathetic gesture.
THE WAY FORWARD
Now is the time to grow up. You should find happiness in smaller things in life and you will learn to be more practical and worldly- wise. Turn “the worst thing that someone did to you” into “the best thing that ever happened to me’’. You just won a war against your own self. Learn, move on, and love the Universe for blessing you.
