Love Marriage Versus Arranged Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful institution. It is an official and public declaration of a romantic bond, it is your prospect for spending your whole life with someone you love and cherish. Marriage gives you another family, and your better half. It is an age old concept, and has evolved a lot over the years. While terms like eloping and live- in relationships (pseudo- marriage like situations) are some homogenous forms of marriage, it can be safely assumed that marriage can be classified into two major categories in Indian society- love marriages and arranged marriages. The question that bridges the gap here is- Should you love and marry, or marry and love?

While arranged marriages in the West are scanty, Indians are quite attached to the concept. Social hurdles remain as arranged marriages are preferred over love marriages in most parts of the country. An arranged marriage implies a match arranged by the parents or guardians of the couple, while a love marriage implies that the decision to get married was made solely by the couple (with, or without the consent of the parents). Love marriages may break caste, community and religion barriers, while arranged marriages are generally confined to one’s own community/ caste.

Both the categories have their own advantages and disadvantages. Choosing either one need not guarantee a ‘happily ever after’. Ultimately, it boils down to the compatibility and maturity of the couple.

Advocates of love marriage feel that arranged marriages are too ‘practical’. In arranged matches, the compatibility is gauged on the basis of family background, financial status and caste, and not on the basis of the compatibility of the boy and the girl. Arranged marriage might imply lack of the ‘thrill’ and ‘intimacy’ that a couple desires before getting married; love that turns into marriage seems more preferable by many, than love being arranged for them. Love marriages have an added advantage of the individual not being forced into a bond simply because the caste or community of the partners is the same. Many girls also prefer to choose their partner on their own since it gives them more freedom to speak out against age- old illogical concepts such as dowry. Love marriages seem more comfortable for couples nowadays since they feel that they know their partner fully after a proper courtship, and thus will be able to maintain their relationship for life; they accept the qualities and shortcomings of their partner and are more than willing to adjust, if the need arises. With arranged marriages, such may not be the case.

While arranged marriages may seem passé and ‘boring’ to today’s generation, the concept is not altogether flawed. It isn’t necessary that a person may be able to find the right life partner for themselves; here is where their near and dear ones can arrange a good match for their happy future. Arranged marriages save individuals/couples a ton of inconvenience. With arranged matches, the individual and his/her family has a choice or say in the whole matter right from the beginning. They can decide for themselves if they like the looks and profession of the sought match, or if the family values and inter- personal bonds seem appropriate enough or not. A well- thought out match that is approved by all members in the two families is bound to be more harmonious in nature. Many times couples mistake infatuation as love, or temporarily ideal behaviour of the partner as his/her natural characteristics. Post- marriage, these flaws start emerging as fundamental issues in the relationship, and marriages break- up. Many relationships are based on fancy dreams about romance and Prince Charming, in addition to love- at- first- sight concepts of love shown in Hindi movies. These high expectations and fancy thoughts do nothing to ease out the situation post- marriage. Such an uncomfortable situation is less likely to arise with arranged matches.

Both the types of marriages require mutual acceptance, agreement of responsibilities and constant adjustment. Statistics do not favour either love or arranged marriages when it comes to the number of divorces amongst couples; the numbers are almost equal. The point is that the success of any marriage is not dependent on how a match is made. It depends on how prudent and mature one is, in deciding whom to spend their life with. Nothing else matters, except the character and nature of the prospective partner and the camaraderie between the boy and girl. As it is, the following holds true:

1. Arranged marriages nowadays provide a decently long courtship period, wherein the couple gets time and space to build intimacy and trust amongst themselves.
2. Love marriages are no longer frowned upon in most parts of the country; they are not alien or taboo concepts. The match may be introduced by the couple, but is happily arranged by both the families.

Therefore, love- arranged marriages based on sensible decisions and requisite wisdom are what individuals and their families should focus on. Peace of mind and satisfaction of both the couple and their families are crucial in this matter. Most importantly, all of us must keep an open mind towards both the categories and let the Universe bless us with the right things and right people, always.