Teenage is a phenomenal phase of one’s life. Here the actual teenager is excited about joining the club, whereas the parents are distressed. With ‘teen’ age comes an added responsibility where the teen hormones are on a roll! These hormones affect internally and phenotypically as well. Internally means the moods, emotions, instincts and whims. Phenotypically too, there are major visible changes happening to the body. Certainly it is a chaos.
Another additional quality bestowed is vulnerability. The teenagers are a mix of everything; brave, outrageous, confused, vulnerable, dreamy, practical, insensitive and sensitive. All at the same time. With all the turmoil happening in the body, teenage love, crushes, and heartbreaks are inevitable. If you question yourself – What was the most memorable phase of your life? The answer would be ‘teenage’. Why? You know the answer very well and you cannot stop smiling. Isn’t it? Did you remember your crush? Did you remember your best friend’s crush and talking about it for hours? It is not abnormal, but our society has evolved in such a way that it is looked upon as a testing time for parents.
In the ancient times, in India, teenagers would be married off. The child marriages were quite normal because the people, then understood the physical and emotional needs. The first and foremost mistake that Indian parents do is panic. It is quite possible that your 13 year old daughter/son might announce that she/he is in love. They might have envisioned getting married and raising a family together, dreaming of happily ever after. Obviously they are unaware of the realities of life and how fast things and relationships change.
As a society, we do not approve of teenage love. Not all the love stories go kaput. There are stories that start in school and steadily grow and bloom into a mature relationship culminating in marriage.
What are Indian parents worried of?
There is a certain stigma in our society, and unfortunately it is gender biased. Parents fear of all such teenage love, crush and relationship(s) when it comes to their daughters. Not that boys do not give jitters, but a girl in the Indian society is considered a liability. Though the thought process is changing, but at a slower pace.
What is the most important tool to understand the teenagers?
It is communication.
Must do if you are parent(s) to teenager(s)
- Have good rapport
- Establish a bond that can be trusted
- Be concerned about their feelings and emotions. Do not laugh off. Respect their choice and decision – this will coax them to speak the truth, always.
- Every time they need an ear,lend them one. Be ready to listen.
- Be their confidant – if not you, they might end up confiding in a wrong person who might give a wrong advise.
- Keep a check on gifting – with changing times, gifting each other is considered as a form of expression of love. No expensive and frequent gifts should be allowed. Importance of being independent and earning first should be emphasized.
- Do not be biased – being judgmental is brutal, however inapt the crush is. By trying to know more about the ‘crush’,you can actually start bonding with your teenager and knowing him more closely.
- Always keep a track of their friends, engagements, classes, and their routine. Instruct that they have to report/intimate you about their whereabouts. It is important to check if they haven’t got on a wrong track like drugs and abuse.
- Talk to them about sex – the changing hormones, attraction to the opposite gender, same gender can drive them crazy. Talking to them about the hazards of having sex at a tender age can make a lot of difference.
- Talk to them about priorities, ambitions and goals – it is important to make them realize that life is not always about love, and education is equally important. Explain the importance of setting a balance in life.
- Meet their ‘special’ friend – being a friendly, and open minded parent is very important in today’s time. Meeting or talking to them is not approving their relationship, but an assurance that you trust them and are concerned about their choices.
- Beware of the trap(s) – In spite of you being considerate, friendly and understanding, things may go wrong. Have all the required information about sleepovers, (co-studying) studying together with friends, and/or parties. This age is about curiosity. In spite of you telling them the realities, they would want to dare a few things on their own. They might lie to you with reasons mentioned above and meet their ‘crush’.
- Discuss with friends and families only if approved –if your teenager is shy, and does not want to share about his ‘crush’ with someone, then you must respect. Do not make it a topic of discussion in every family get together.
- Last but not the least – they cannot be always wrong – some school/teenage relationships have evolved strong. The older generations were married in their teens and would start living their family life.
After all, love issues can and must be sorted with love. In modern times, real communication in flesh and blood is being ignored. Not all relationships leave sweet memories. Your teenager might have a heartbreak within days or month(s). She/he might feel used and cheated if it ends on a bad note. Be ready to be his best friend who would do anything to bring a smile back on her/his face. And she/he will surely realize that ‘moving on’ is the right thing to do rather than sulking and plunging into depression.
