Honesty, commitment and integrity are the most important aspects of any relationship. When a girl and a boy decide to be together, get married and spend the rest of their lives as husband and wife, it becomes very important that both the partners have complete faith in each other’s thoughts, intentions and behavior. But what if you have had a past before you found out your life partner? What if you were involved in serious relationships which your partner has no clue about? Do you think you are obliged to tell the entire truth about it to your future soul mate? Or you feel it can hamper your relationship?
Relationships are always very delicate to handle. Plus, you have to continuously work on them for them to work. Something which is very important for one person is absolutely useless for another. In such a situation, you have to trudge the delicate path and maintain the fine balance understanding and supporting the partner. The decision whether to tell your past to your partner or not will depend upon your analyses of the relationship. Below are some points which can help you take that decision
You are telling or being asked?
Honesty in a relationship is extremely important but at the same time trust is equally vital. Sometimes, a person loves his/her partner yet he/she can have a basic suspicious nature. At times, these people can be curious to know about your past and ask indirect questions about it. It is fine if you on your own want to share your past but if you want to keep it private, the other person should respect your opinion. But if that person is getting insecure and restless and still keeps on asking you about your past, then you can take it as a warning sign and take care not to divulge everything. Remember, the intention here is not to hide, but to respect your past and your privacy. You are not obliged to answer to your partner about things which happened before he/she came into your life. Its your past and you have the right to guard it.
Will it affect your relationship today ?
Life is not fair. Sometimes we are confused and make mistakes which we regret later. Some of these mistakes can be serious but yet they are mistakes. And you have every right to come out of them and repent and give yourself a second chance. If you are true to yourself and your commitment, then it is alright to keep those experiences to yourself and not share them with your partner. No one can feel exactly what you had felt. So in case your partner does not understand your point of view or your situation which made you behave in a certain way in the past, it will definitely affect your relationship and can also create doubts about the future. So it is best if you can keep mum about some things about your past.
Are you feeling guilty ?
Sometimes people have a very weird sense of honesty. So it might happen that you will feel guilty if you don’t tell everything about your past to your partner. Since childhood, we are always taught to be faithful and completely transparent with your partners. You are expected to share even small things like where are you going and what are you buying to your partner. If someone comes from this kind of up-bringing, he/she might feel guilty about the past and would want to tell the partner every single detail. But eventually, sharing every single detail might not help in any way. It can actually complicate the matter because many things depend upon perceptions rather than facts. So if you tell details about how you enjoyed a trip to Europe with your ex-boyfriend, your fiancé might think that you are trying to make him/her jealous. So always try to give your decision a second thought and tell only which is relevant to your current situation.
Will it affect other people in your family?
There are many things one does which involves lot of other people. Your family has always been with you and will always be. So when you decide to tell some private details of your past to your fiancé, think if it involves your family. What if those little details can create a completely wrong impression about your family? And what if your family members are not comfortable about their details being shared and discussed. Along with your past, you also have to respect other people’s right to privacy. Hence, its always recommended that you first discuss the matter with your family and then only share it with the partner.
