The recent #metoo movement took the world by surprise. Women shared stories of being inappropriately touched during their childhood. The Uncle who was a trusted family friend, another Uncle who offered his laps in busy bus, many random opportunist Uncles on the crowded streets who touched inappropriately, and a Bhaiya who did dirty things by luring for a ride or a chocolate were suddenly being remembered. The movement brought in a stir. A stir of emotions that aroused due to being exploited, helpless and vulnerable at the same time. I would not say surprise because everyone knew it happened, but chose to be quiet. The victim was rubbed off or quietened because she was ‘small’. How can a small girl speak truth? How can a small girl talk of sexual abuse? But she can be a victim!
The time has come when we should talk to our children about Good and Bad touch. Our society has been very conservative. It indeed is a difficult task to start a conversation with children, which I realized recently. A child asked me, “Aunty, why would a stranger Uncle want to touch my thighs?” I was speechless.
So one has to really get down to the level of the child and explain this sensitive matter. Plenty of effective videos are available on the internet, but only talking will explain a sensitive issue impactfully.
There is a clear demarcation when it comes to touch.
What is Good touch? It is a hug, cuddle, pally pat, friendly handshake are few examples. Anything which feels good and makes you feel secure and happy. It also relates to your approval. If you approve of it and not being forced, then that should make you comfortable.
What is Bad touch: A(ny) violent act as smacking, hitting, kicking, pushing, and one that is painful even if it is not sexual. This kind of touch brings in fear.
What is Sexually abusive bad touch: A touch that one does not approve of or is being forced, which bring in discomfort.
How to create awareness?
- Listen to your child. Always be there for her/him. That is the biggest security to the child.
- The Indian society assumes that only adults are right and speak the truth. There must be a change in the attitude. Children also can fathom right and wrong if treated and brought up with dignity.
Talk NOW!
I know it feels awkward, it might also feel unnecessary but equivalently important. Till you figure the right time to speak, the damage can happen or might have happened. So mark a day and talk. Talk together or separately, but talk about the three different touches. Initially start showing videos and then head to the conversation.
The time is NOW.
Your voice is your power, use it.
This is a lengthy process. Bring up an individual and articulate child. Let him/her know to express. Speaking about discomfort makes a huge difference. Not the doer, but a quiet victim too is an equal culprit for not speaking.
Teach them to say ‘NO’.
Teach them to be watchful.
There are perverts everywhere. They draw unfathomable pleasure by touching one’s body in public places or by even staring at you. This can happen in a queue, on the train/bus. Never trust that Uncle in the bus who offers his lap on a busy bus.
Do not leave the child to learn something of his own experiences.
Sexual abuse is not to be experienced, and it can be avoided by being watchful.
Watch what you do as Parents.
- Treat family members with respect. The child is watching you.
- Topics like physical abuse, sexual abuse must be discussed and disapproved at the dinner table. The child should know that you know about it, and s/he can come up to you when in a problem.
- Excuse yourself while changing clothes, and while using the toilet. The child will understand to respect her/his body and privacy.
By equipping the child to deal with such matters, one feels like we are ripping their innocence off. But if this is what the world has zeroed down to such mediocrity, better be prepared.
As the old saying goes A stitch in time saves nine.
