No individual likes to hear criticism, especially from their loved ones. Unless you are a masochist, you wouldn’t like to listen to people who state negative points about you in private or in public. Most of the times though, your family and friends are only trying to help you improve as a person and out of concern, they indulge in a form of healthy criticism.
In some extreme cases however, this criticism takes a turn for the worse; your own parents end up comparing your habits, work, study, or any other aspect of your life with another person’s. This person may be anyone in your life whom they know personally, who is about your age and may/may not be striving for similar goals as yours. Such negative, constant comparison may make you feel demoralised or demotivated. It may lower your self- esteem and make you irritable and hopeless. It is not easy to cope with parents who compare you to others. They are of the firm belief that citing incidents or success from another’s life is going to inspire you to do better. What they don’t realise, is that instead of inspiring, their words are disrupting your mental peace.
WHAT TO DO IN THIS SITUATION?
- It is crucial to understand that aggression, back- answering or losing your cool will NOT help your case in any way. Do not employ knee- jerk reactions in this case. You have to stay calm and resolve the issue in a tactful manner.
- Try the direct approach first. Have a heart to heart conversation with your parents. Talk to them about it. Vent out your feelings and let them understand how their words make you feel. They should understand that you are a distinctive individual who has his/her own potential and limitations. Therefore, they should also be clear as to not over- expect. Ask for support and encouragement. Be patient and handle the debate with maturity. Hopefully, once they know what is on your mind, they will accept your point of view; the approach will end up further strengthening your bond with them.
- If they are unwilling to bend, or pay no heed to your opinion, do not lose hope. Try balancing your own view point first. As a child, you must understand that your parents are not saints, they too have their shortcomings; they are bound to have their own fears and anxieties. Their behaviour may be a result of your family’s cultural background, their upbringing, ego issues, their worries about your future, or simply a product of their mood swings. When you look at their outlook from this angle, it will be easier for you to filter out the negativity and cope more easily with them. Instead of taking it on yourself, you will be more empathetic and be capable of pacifying them.
- Look for scope for improvement within yourself. Need not be that you get 95% in your examination akin to your neighbour’s son/daughter as your parents desired. However, if you work hard and turn your 80% into an 85% in the next exams, your parents are most likely to acknowledge your efforts proudly. Why not actually take healthy inspiration from someone who is doing better than you are? Keep striving to do better; show them you can do better. In this way, you will channelize your parents’ remarks in to a positive direction. When your parents notice your endeavours, they will feel less inclined to compare you with another person.
- When everything else fails, change the game altogether. When they start comparing, do not try to convince them of the opposite. Instead, pitch into the conversation with enthusiasm and take a positive stand. Praise your ‘opponent’ (the one they are comparing you with) on their performance. Say things like:
- “Really? He did this well? I am so happy for him. I always knew he had the potential.”
- “It was bound to happen. His parents are so encouraging and supportive! They respect him and believe in him. Such a healthy environment always produces champions.”
Make use of these suggestions and try your best to change the rigmarole at home. Most importantly, always believe in yourself; have faith that you are a strong, capable individual whose victories are not defined by how successful others are. Love yourself and keep a strong focus. When you achieve your goals, you will not have to prove yourself better than anyone, to anyone. The sound of success is the loudest.
