Amongst all the strange trends that the ‘millennials’ brought into the contemporary life, the trend of being friends with ‘benefits’ seems to be a favourite. Here are some interesting terms that represent this contractual relationship- bed buddies, fuck buddies, frenefits, banging and hanging, and of course, ‘it’s complicated’. This concept of being half a girlfriend/boyfriend is relatively new; I write ‘relatively’ for there is no evidence that such deals were not carried out in any other decade, but it is now that this term is clearer in public view. What does this relationship entail, and how does this work or not work?
Let’s gain a better perspective on these questions:
What friend? What benefits?
This special friendship refers to the equation between two friends (or more?) who have a sexual relationship (not a real-ationship), without being emotionally involved. Typically, it refers to two good friends who have casual sex without a monogamous relationship or expectations of commitment from either partner.
With this arrangement, a couple aims to have best of both worlds. Neither of them ties the other down, yet has a companion in times of need, as a friend and a lover. The ‘friend’ part takes care of the companionship, while the ‘benefits’ take care of the physical needs. Yes, that sounds like a traditional relationship where both the emotional and physical needs are met. However, the difference lies in the lack of responsibility that comes along for convenience of both the partners. Neither is answerable to the other for their involvement elsewhere, or for commitments such as marriage.
Does it work?
As appealing as it may sound to many of you, this kind of an arrangement seems to fail in most cases. My argument for this answer will not be biased towards the Indian value system or moral codes, and it shall definitely not echo ultra- romantic Bollywood sentiments. Let’s look at this situation practically, and yet base it on natural human emotions. A FWB relationship may seem like a relationship of convenience, but can turn out to be really complicated. This is because as human beings, we are not devoid of emotions and the sentiment of attachment. With a FWB relationship, you may be seeking simply to satisfy the carnal desires of your body, but humans are not animals. We feel, we seek comfort, and we need companionship. As it mostly happens, either one or both the partners end up feeling romantically involved, which can ruin the whole relationship. As an individual, you may be sure of your own feelings, but you cannot guarantee the emotional coldness of your partner in this arrangement. If this situation arises, a lot of heartburn can be triggered for both the partners.
Next, look at the long- term consequences. What may seem fun and friendly at the age of 24, will not be easy to handle a few years down the line. Eventually, one craves a family, some constant mental support, and the love of a partner. Yes, this is not true for everyone, but for most of us, this will hold true as we grow up. What is essentially the future of such a relationship? How long can one continue on this path, especially in Indian society? When you break out of this arrangement, you may lose a friend. In case you continue, you may hurt your future partner in marriage. Commitment is not that easy to evade, and why must it be evaded? Having multiple sex partners and casual sex partners is not good for sexual health, and may prove to be quite unsafe too. Sexual exploitation and crimes are aplenty these days, and it seems like a better idea to be sure of your partner’s intentions and background.
This sort of relationship may work out well for you if you really know how to handle yourself and your partner. However, it is quite risky. It should not be easily experimented with. Be sure of what you want in life, and remember to not subject your friends to manipulation and exploitation. Friendship is a pure relationship too, which must not be taken advantage of unnecessarily. Have respect for sentimentalities of everyone and explore the dynamics of this arrangement very well before plunging into this lifestyle.
