Vrindavan, the holy town of Lord Krishna where he spent his childhood playing with the gopis, the cattle eating butter and playing flute. Almost every Indian relates Vrindavan with a tranquil, divine town of the Lord promising sanctity, peace and salvation to its numerous pilgrims and devotees. Nothing can be a bigger irony. Because Vrindavan today is also a home to numerous old and destitute women who have been abandoned by their own families. The 20000 old, frail women there (some of them mothers to young earning children) strive for a minimal existence – a cruel reality of our country which boasts of 50 of the richest people in the world. To add to it, the growing number of old age homes, nuclear families and the large instances of children leaving their ageing parents is a warning sign that the old generation needs care, support and acceptance like never before. It has now become extremely necessary to understand what the aging parents expect from their children.
Since the time more and more people started living in nuclear families and imitating the west the communication between the two generations has reduced a great deal. It has become very difficult to share emotions which has resulted in young people becoming emotionally distant from their parents. Understanding the concerns of the old can not only help in reducing their problems but also make sure that the young people don’t face the same situation when they become old. The entire situation of ageing parents is too complicated to provide a one point solution, yet some below concerns definitely need more time and thought from the young generation.
Emotional support
Old age is the most difficult time of the entire life. Once the parents cross 60 years of their lives, they have most probably left their jobs, they are struggling with their health and might also face some identity crisis as they feel that they are no longer useful to anyone. It’s a very delicate emotional state which needs to be handled with care. The least expectation is that the children should understand their state of mind and don’t let them feel neglected or useless which can further deteriorate the situation. A basic care and communication is all what it needs to make them happy. If only the children could spend some time every day to chat with the parents and ask about their well-being it can have a huge positive impact.
Financial support
In spite of working for more than 40 years of their lives, many fathers don’t have the privilege of a pension. Almost 60 percent of mothers in India do not work, so they have to completely depend on their husband’s money for their maintenance. Imagine if the husband passes away, their only life support is their children. Considering the changing dynamics of the urban lifestyle in the 21st century, it is becoming difficult for couples to financially provide for the old parents. But its completely justified for the parents, who spend their entire life providing for their children to expect the same from their children in their old age. Children while planning their own luxurious life, should give a thought to their parent’s life and accommodate their financial needs in their planning. Even if one does not provide them the frequent perks, a basic life maintenance and support during medical emergencies is all they need.
Respect
There are many cases when a son, who adores his mother, starts ignoring and criticizing her the moment he gets married. There are examples where even fathers have experienced ridicule and disapproval from their sons when their opinions were not relevant. Agreed that in the fast changing world, the thoughts and values of the old parents might not be relevant. There are bound to be disagreements. But what the parents expect is a proper and decent way to express the disagreements. Shouting, arguing, name calling and insulting can hurt the parents a great deal leading to further complications. Parents are usually flexible and can accept different thoughts provided their children explain them the significance properly and patiently.
Independence to decide
Old people are physically weak but they have seen many ups and downs in their own life. Their decisions and thoughts come from years of experience and wisdom. Some of their thoughts might not be applicable to today’s life, but they have complete freedom to decide how they want to deal with the situation. After all its their life and it’s a big blow to their self-respect if their children put a restriction on their behavior and decision making. Children should let them behave as per their own choice and even if there are some disagreements, they should be discussed with patience. Any amount of restriction and rules might not work. In fact it might lead to resentment.
Ignoring peculiar habits
Some old people like to watch a lot of TV. Some people can’t change their timings and discipline. Some are very organized while some are lazy. Some women take interest in the kitchen while some are social birds. Every old person is an independent individual with his own peculiar habits, likes and dislikes. It is observed that while staying together such habits can become a reason for arguments. But children should understand that their parents are ageing. They have spent their lives in perpetual discipline of office, house, relatives, work deadlines all their lives. It’s their time to relax, enjoy and do things their way. It is better to ignore their habits and let them live freely without botherations.
Lastly,
Parents are the foundation of every individual’s life. Even in their old age, they provide warmth, love, care and a fruitful childhood to our children. India is blessed with a rich culture where the old and the wise get the biggest respect. By preserving our culture, we can definitely get its rich dividends.
