We live in a new- age India. The way we all look at marriage nowadays, even in the most conservative of families, is very different to that of the last century. Yes our traditions and practices are same, but the dynamics of weddings and marriages are not the same anymore. In the past few decades, there has been a paradigm shift in the way couples ‘maintain’ their marriages. Now, we have more and more working wives/mothers, more nuclear families, more couples staying separately, and even more long- distance marriages. With the rising number of divorce cases and separations, it seems only right that the couple discuss various dynamics of their relationship for a happy future after marriage.
Here are seven points of discussion that both the partners must be clear on, and must feel prepared with:
WORK ETHICS
Work is a very important aspect of our daily lives. A betrothed couple needs to discuss their work environment and working day schedules in order to be well aware of the demands of each other’s jobs. This should not become a factor for which the couple develop any insecurities or trust issues amongst themselves. It is crucial that the man knows whether or not (and how) the wife wishes to pursue her career after marriage; at the same time, the wife needs to be sure to make her peace with the hours and pressures of the man’s work.
CHILDREN
The couple must discuss that the topic of children is to be decided on their own terms and there should not be any third party involvements in the future. Whether they want kids or not, and after how many years of marriage they will decide on it- needs to be discussed at least in tentative terms. If the respective partners have opposing views on this topic, it is difficult for the marriage to be stable. Family and family planning is crucial in a marriage.
EXPENDITURE
By expenditure here, we mean the money which will be spent on the wedding and the preparations for the same. Of course, this includes opinions and decisions from the respective families, but the couple can choose to sway some of them. The desire to spend whatsoever amount of money on the wedding must be based on the practical financial statuses and the wishes of both the families, in mutual agreement.
RELIGIOUS PREFERENCES
It is not necessary that the couple belong to the same caste, community or even nationality. In such matches, there is bound to be a clash of religious views and traditions. It seems sensible then, that the couple discuss how secular (or not) they wish to be, and how they will practice the same or different religion. The same should be talked about for their children, since they too will have to choose a faith. Matters of faith and religious belongingness are dear to all Indians, and it is important that couples make their peace on this aspect beforehand for a smooth ride ahead.
HEALTH AND SEX LIFE
Matters of the health need critical attention. It is advisable that the couple discuss allergies, ailments, stress issues, mental health history, previous surgeries, health issues, blood group and fertility matters. What is right/wrong with one partner’s health will definitely affect the other partner AND the children; so we might as well clear on all these aspects. Similarly, matters about the sex life- preferences, fears, short term/long term contraceptive measures etc. should be mutually discussed, debated, and settled amongst the couple.
MONEY MATTERS
Here we mean expenditure on daily basis. Things like- how much income will be generated every month, how the salary/salaries will be divided between the partners, what kind of investments (long term and short term) will be planned and how much freedom are the partners willing to provide to each other on money matters; all such thoughts need to be articulated well and presented to each other in good time before the marriage. Finances must not cause disturbance for an otherwise happy couple.
PAST
This is a slightly controversial and sensitive topic. It is up to each individual if they wish to discuss about their past affairs/ relationships/ old feelings with a new partner. You may wish to come clear regarding all your past issues so that your partner is more secure and at peace with your future with him/her. Although it seems appropriate to not touch this dead topic for it may seem futile to do so, it also holds true that the past may cause trouble for future. If your partner gets to know about your past later, they MAY feel unhappy that you were not honest with him/her. Think about it, and work according to what you feel is right or according to the comfort level between you and your partner in terms of understanding.
