The first (and the hardest) rule to parenting is to give equal importance to your child’s emotions, just as much as you’d give to your spouse’s or friends’ emotions. As grown- ups, it becomes increasingly difficult for us to digest that we need to treat our kids (which include the likes of even younger siblings) with respect and humility. As parents or the elder kid, we often forget how frustrated young kids feel when they cannot assert their rights or opinions. It is taken for granted that they are either wrong, or even if they are right, the elders’ word prevails.
Let us accept it. We are all human beings and can make mistakes at any stage of our lives. It may be a tiny mistake or even a blunder, but maturity and age spare no person from flaws or goof- ups. If, and whenever we make a mistake or hurt someone, we apologise and accept our fault. However in case we make mistakes in parenting or behaving correctly with our child, majority of the parents do not apologise. Their ego or self- respect stands in the way and it becomes inconceivable for an Indian parent to ‘bow down’ to their kid, no matter how light or intense the situation is. A parent’s sense of superiority makes it tough for him/her to say sorry to the child. This is not a correct thing to do. One needs to change this mind-set and learn to say sorry to the child, wherever and whenever it is deemed necessary or appropriate. Here’s why-
Your Child Will Be Happy, and That’s What Matters Most.
If you apologies to the child for something you believe was rightfully YOUR fault, your child will be free from any sort of subconscious/ built- up insecurities and frustration. There will be no speck of unresolved anger, guilt, or grudge against you. Do not expect your child to simply forget everything and move on without you accepting your mistake. The child has legitimate emotions and also needs closure. This doesn’t mean that you need to beg for mercy or let down your guard completely; as a parent you need to apologise and bend, but with a boundary wherein the child must not lose sight of who holds authority in the relationship. The child should not take this for granted, but simply be content with the fact that in the present situation, he/she was rightfully acknowledged. All this is simply going to give peace and happiness to your child, and as a parent, what more can you wish for?
It Will Improve The Health Quotient Of Your Relationship With Your Child.
When the child sees that you are honest and compassionate, he/she will respect and trust you more. The child will recognise the fact that there is a humane, other side of you, beyond the call of parenting. Your child needs to consider you as a friend or peer too, in addition to looking at you as a parent. You can’t be Hitler around the house or dominate 24/7; the child needs to see your empathy too. A simple gesture as saying ‘sorry’ will restore your child’s faith in your judgement and your relationship with him/her will thrive in good health.
Your Child Will Feel Free To Share His/Her Thoughts With You.
When your child sees that you are open with him/her, it will make a positive impact on his/her faith in you. The child will be open to sharing deep thoughts, random musings, and honest feelings/desires with you. The kid will look at you as a guide who respects the opinion and emotions of the child; you will be a parent who considers the child’s viewpoint valid and this is significantly crucial for the child to believe in. If the child believes this, he/she will never shy from letting you in on what’s going on in their mind and life. In this way, you can be involved in your child’s life and face no barriers in the relationship.
The Child Will Look At Mistakes As A Positive Reinforcement
Most children end up committing suicides or falling prey to depression and other such disorders because they are terribly scared of mistakes. More so, they are hyper about how the parents will react, and thus hide their mistakes from elders for fear of reprimand. This can have a bad effect on young kids and even your grown- up children. Having a free flow of communication is essential for good parenting. If the child sees you graciously accepting your own mistakes, they will not be scared to let you know that they too did something wrong. They need to know that mistakes are resolvable and natural. They will then look at mistakes as positive reinforcements, from which they can learn and grow, and consider blunders as a reason to end their lives or fall back on incorrect activities. So say sorry, and release fear from your child’s mind forever.
Your Child Will Be More Compassionate To Everyone.
If you apologise to your child, he/she will learn the importance of forgiveness and kindness. He/she will be kinder to all in future, irrespective of their caste, creed, social stature, or age. You need to teach your child to be more accepting and also know what is forgivable or unforgivable. If you can swallow your pride as a parent to keep relations intact, your child will also set his/her priorities straight on his/her own.
You Will Strike The Right Balance Of Authority and Guidance
As a parent, it is obvious that you would want your child to give you due regard and accept your decisions as final ones. However, you must give them the freedom to take their own decisions and learn enough to know the difference between right and wrong. It becomes crucial then, that you must learn how to strike the right balance between authority and guidance as a parent. Pride and affection need to be held in their own rightful places. By apologising to your child, you aren’t letting go of your authority, you are only filling in the right gaps with humility and affection. This will help your child to take their own decision and correct their mistakes, but also learn from your mistakes or come to you for guidance on various matters.
